Thursday, May 28, 2009
In the service I was never waterboarded but it was demonstrated to us during survival school. It is basically forcing someone to lay back while you pour water over their nose and mouth to simulate the effect of suffocating. This causing an intense feeling of distress and panic. Much like using a Nettie pot, I found out. With one of these as much hyped my Oprah, you twist your head back and pour water into your nose while it spouts out the other side and down your throat and out your nose. Causing first much dread and panic with a little bit of suffocation. When I first did this to treat my sinus infection, I would have given up my social security number and ATM pin number to anyone that asked to not have to do it again. But, do you know what? It worked! My head was as clear as could be. In fact, I did it again, this time I held my breath and it was much more tolerable. Now I pretty much waterboard myself whenever I have sinus problems.
I am now working on other homeopathic medical treatments we can use on Enemy Combatants. Maybee we can put lit candles in their ears! Force them to drink urine? Or, the worst, herbal colonics! Tell us what we want to know or you will have lilac flatus!