Tuesday, July 20, 2010

You Know, the blue one!

I should not have done this, but I could not resist it. I was picked to give one of the short welcome lectures to the new interns. (again, I blew off a meeting and look what happened!) Following my administrative motto of "do it good enough that you dont get in to trouble but not so good that they ask you to do it again," I titled my lecture, "Things that they didnt teach you in medical school." My first slide whas a pile of different colored pills. I explained that many times when you ask what medicines your ER patient takes, they will tell you that they take "one green one, one blue and two yellow". If you ask if any of them are blood thinners, they will look at you like your are stupid and say "you know, the BLUE ONE", but I only take it when I think my blood is thick. When you ask if they have any medical problems, they will say no and have no idea why they are on the blood thinner. They will deny that they have had any major surgery but you will notice the medial sternotomy scar and the off center midline abdominal incision.

The next slide was the "yellow pill". At least it was yellow from this pharmacy. It was hydrocodone. I explained that this pill makes everyone hurt. Because they take hydros all the time, they will tell you everything hurts becuase their pain receptors are messed up, so you cant tell what is what. (you will wish the previous doc left a little chip like dogs have in the wound so you could just scan the patient and find out what was done.) They will have no idea what their abdominal scar was from and will look puzzled at you because you asked. (the scar is supposed to tell you what surgery they had.) They will all be in so much pain that they cant do anything, except they can walk outside and smoke.

The next slide was a wooden shoe. I explained that their are many people at the hospital to help you, but dont rely on them or believe them. Double check everything becuase you cant tell the saboeteurs from the allies. Check your own xrays and verify your labs. When you look at xrays, first check to see if it is the right patient, secondly look at the xray to see if there is anything in the xray that might kill the patient, such as your shadow!

The next slide was a phone. I said it is always easier to call and ask for help then it is to call and ask for forgiveness. Lastly, I said, if you dont know spanish, start learning!

I think I will probably not be asked to do this again.

1 comment:

SeaSpray said...

You're funny. :)

I'm sorry, but I don't get the "your shadow" reference. ?

"I said it is always easier to call and ask for help then it is to call and ask for forgiveness."

I 100% agree!

Sometimes people don't get help because they feel they'll look stupid or they are afraid of the people they have to go to. I've always gone right in to get what I need. I think there is more shame in covering up or doing something incorrectly then admitting you need guidance,assistance, etc. that's how you learn. ASK!