Up one, down two

July is almost over, so far the new interns are doing well. We have had a few moments but overall they are learning. Going on rounds looks like Mama duck with all her little ducks winding from one room to another. You can tell how far along someone is in residency by how little is in their pockets. The interns all have lab coats stuffed to the brims with Wash manuals and poket pharmapedias. The senior residents are in scrubs with a sweatshirt. All have coffee or diet colas.

As we round we try to teach the residents the important things, like you take the stairs to go up one flight or down two. Keep your wallet in the inside pocket of your scrubs. Wounds heal side to side, not end to end. Dyspareunia is better than no pareunia. You can always find hemeacult cards but never the reagent. Surgical caps hide bad hair days. There are always bullion cubes and crackers to eat. Never try to drink Jevity. Ward clerks save you butt, charge nurses are there to make you miserable. Crying and complaining mean that the patient is oxygenating. Patients bleed whole blood not packed red cells. Patients dont die of pain, they die of too much pain medication. If you decide to send the stool specimen to the lab through the tube system, make sure the lid is screwed on really, really good! Patients with no arms or legs can still pull out their feeding tubes.

There are many more, but its a 5 to 6 year residency.